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A Note to My Kid--a project of PFLAG National--gives the parents, families friends, and allies of the LGBTQ community the opportunity to share their unconditional love, via notes, photos, and videos.

PFLAG National is grateful to have adopted A Note To My Kid from its founders, Patrick Wallace, Mike Curry, and Michael Volpatt.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

A Note to Mom and Dad From Pete

Mom and Dad,


I know you don't support me or who I am and I currently feel that you never will, although I hope that one day you and the rest of our extremely large family will come around. I want you to know that I miss the holidays, the birthdays every month and all of the other times that our family gets together. I miss you both dearly. I am sorry that I have hurt you by being gay and made you feel like you longer have a son. I am lonely. Though I have many friends and people close to me, I don't have my family and that hurts me terribly. 

Illustration by Mark at
SlapUpsideTheHead.com


I wish you could have met Chase before he died. I know you don't want to hear about him but you need to I think. Though he was a Michigan fan, he was always very humbled and respectful about the OSU rivalry (being that I'm a die-hard Buckeye). He loved the outdoors like myself. We went camping and exploring whenever we could. He was proud, just like me, to serve his country. His smile could light up a room. He always looked into a persons heart instead of judging them by a look. He was everything that you taught me was good in a person and everything that one could always hope for. While both of us were very "straight-acting" men, he was the most sensual and compassionate person I had ever met before. He loved me with all of his being and I did him as well. It was a match made in heaven. When I had to escort his body home, it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do before. Facing his father hurt so much as I promised him I would always protect and watch over him.


I needed you. I needed the loving hug from a mother and a pat on the shoulder and kind words from a father. But there was nothing. I was angry at you both for so long but I'm not anymore. I understand that you just don't understand where I am coming from and how I am the way that I am. I want you to know that I forgive you. I love you and I always will. I hope that one day, I can find true love again. Both with a partner...and with my family.


Take care and please call me back.


Your always loving son,


Pete

15 comments:

  1. Dear Pete. I am so sorry that your parents have not realized their son is still their son, no matter who he loves. It makes me so sad to hear and read these types of letters. I have a son who just turned 5. I teach him about how there are so many different kinds of people in the world and we should love them and never put them down, even if those people are not like us. I am a spiritual person (not religious) and it is important to me that my child gives to the world and the people in it and I tell him no matter what happens in life I will always love him and that includes his sexuality. I hope that your parents can come to understand that but I am glad that you see it really is not your problem if they do not. I know I am not your mom or dad but I send you my motherly love to you and I really hope your parents decide to love you for you and everything about you. I am also very sorry for the loss and I thank you for serving our country.

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  2. Heartbreaking. I could no more turn my back on my child, than I could my own heart. Pete, I wish you all the joy, happiness, and love, in the world.

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  3. I could never even think about turning my back on my family. Having two bisexual children, a gay brother and gay cousin, acceptance has always been something that came easily in this family. I hope one day, your family will realize how selfish they are being and welcome you back where you rightfully belong with open and loving arms. My condolences for your love, Chase, and my gratitude for your service to this country of ours. I would certainly be proud to call you Son. My own son tells me his friends all consider me their mother away from their mother. I extend the same to you. Peace and love.

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  4. Dear Pete. Most importantly, you did NOT make them "no longer feel like they have a son". They CHOSE to feel this way. If there is anything I have learned in this life, is that you get to choose your family. Your parents do not deserve you. And yes, You CAN walk away from them, and fill your life with people that want you as part of their lives. As long are you sit there wishing for this ideal genetically connected family, and literally beg them for their presence ("..take care and please call me back"), they win. Others may disagree with me, and that is certainly their choice. My feelings are that until you walk away from them and extract them from your life, you will continue to feel loss, sadness, and hurt. And you did nothing to bring those feelings onto yourself. If they change down the road, thats great. But until then, there is no reason you should punish yourself with all the feelings you have expressed in your letter.

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  5. What a long journey you have walked to have come to this place. So much hope dashed and so much loss. My sincere condolences on losing your beloved Chase without having the support of your family to buffer the pain. May your heart be healed with renewed love and may your family come to realize that there is nothing in this world more important than that we love one another with no thought to judge or cause separation. Sending you love and blessings.

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  6. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

    True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.

    As the proud mom of 5 sons, one of whom is gay, the love is the same, the respect is the same, the gratefulness of being blessed with all 5 is the same. I cannot understand how ANY parent can deny their own flesh and blood. God NEVER denies ANY of us HIS love, regardless...his love is unconditional as should ALL of our love be. Pete it is NOT your loss (although you miss your family), it is YOU who they are missing out on. I pray you find love again in a beautiful partner and I also pray that your family realizes what a wonderful son they are missing out on. <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for using the bible in a positive and uplifting way. So many "Christians" use it to try to scorn and shame...

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  7. Dear Pete,
    I feel bad for your folks, for missing out on having you in their lives. You are a man anyone should be proud to call "son". Sorry for your horrible loss. May you find love again and have a happy life.

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  8. Dear Pete, if you were in the room, I would hug you. I would hug you as if you were my son, and I would listen to you. You have done nothing wrong.

    My family and I wish you all the best and happiness to come.

    Love, Steve

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  9. Dear Pete,

    Thank you for your service and sacrifice! You have no reason to apologize. You were born who you are and your parents are the ones that should be sorry.

    I'm so sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you found a rare and special person to love. The kind of love we all seek yet few find.

    Hugs, Pamela

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  10. Pete,
    I am speechless and heartbroken for you. As a parent, I cannot imagine rejecting one of my children. Know that the world is changing and I hope your parents do before it is too late.
    Hugs,
    Vicki

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  11. I am so sorry, and I am so enraged. I am glad that forgiveness is a healing path for you, but since you have been able to do this and it is what was right for you, I am holding the grudge you didn't, as I do for everyone whose stories just piss me off so badly I can do nothing but grind my teeth and cry. I hope your parents never, ever stop apologizing after they pull their heads out of their asses.

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  12. Hey Pete... like i always tell my adopted son who is now 20.... blood doesnt make a family, love does. Though it is hard when you are rejected by those you love, i know this feeling all too well, you must look past the rejection and see the love of those who support you. They are your family. Let them love you, though it will always hurt, you will never suffer alone with them at your side. You are loved, even though it sucks sometimes, try to remember that.

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  13. Our stories are similar and yet different. My family rejected me over 5 years ago strictly on religious grounds. I think the pain that hurts the most is them choosing a religion over their own son. The other is knowing they're so close, yet so far away. It's hard to tell your brain to pretend they aren't there, not have daily thoughts or memories about them, and moving on may get a little easier every day, but the pain is still there. My heart goes out to you and I hope that your circumstances change with your family. My deepest sympathies about your partner who passed. Love will find you, just don't shut it out. And have confidence that you aren't alone...ever. Much love.

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